Bullying
Bullying isn't an easy term to describe. It can mean different things to different people, especially when you deal with kids.
Some of the ways kids bully other people are by: hitting, kicking, calling them names, saying or writing nasty things about them, leaving them out of activities, not talking to them, making them feel uncomfortable or scared, and taking or damaging their things. Sometimes it comes in the way of threats, or teasing. This can become more damaging than just hitting or kicking.
The word 'bullying' is used to describe many different types of behavior ranging from teasing or deliberately leaving an individual out of a social gathering or ignoring them, to serious assaults and abuse. Sometimes it is an individual who is doing the bullying and sometimes it is a group. In any case, bullies are cowards. They tend to pick on children who won't stand up for themselves. That's because children don't know how. They need to be taught.
The important thing is not the action but the effect on the victim. No one should ever underestimate the fear that a bullied child feels. It is painful, upsetting and frightening. It can lead to a fear of school and reduces children's confidence. Children often feel weak and friendless and often think it is their fault. If it is not stopped children feel helpless because no one can protect them.
A lot of times the child may feel that they did something to bring this on. We need to reassure them that they aren't alone, and this wasn't brought on by them. Today, since it is more out in the open, children should realize that they don't have to face this on their own.
Children and young people who witness or become aware of bullying may be unsure what to do and whether they should tell someone. Make sure they know that they should talk to a parent or teacher, and tell them why.
Children must learn that they need to communicate, communicate, and communicate! It is essential that they tell their parents, teachers, and friends, what is going on!! That is the first step. We then can begin to give support and help kids understand the 'why'. Ignoring the problem doesn't fix it. It will only get worse!
Types of bullying
Emotional Bullying
- Name Calling, not just calling you names but calling your loved one names this can be very hurtful
- Ignoring you, leaving you out of games or not talking to you, (blanking you)
- Threatening you, by saying an older brother or sister is going’ to hurt you, or they are waiting for you after school.
- Making some one do something against their will. Bullies can pretend they are your friends and try and get you in to trouble, be strong and say no to them.
- Taking your things from you, this doesn’t have to be expensive things; it could be one sock when you do PE or taking your pens and pencils.
- Damaging your belongings, again this doesn’t have to be expensive it could be a piece of work you have done and it could be damaged or ripped before you hand it in.
Physical Bullying
- Hitting, kicking, biting, scratching, pushing, tripping you up on purpose. Anything that hurts you by touching you is physical bullying. This is also a criminal offence and nobody is allowed to hit you
Indirect Bullying
- Spreading Rumours, talking about you behind your back and saying things that are not true or will hurt you
- ‘The bad eyes’, someone glaring or giving you threatening looks, this is very difficult to prove but can be just as distressing
Technological Bullying
- Internet abuse, with modern technology we can create websites to share with our friends. Putting pictures of people on the internet is very dangerous as we do not know who will see the pictures, it is also possible to say nasty things about people
- Chat rooms, using MSN or other chat rooms to threaten someone or talk about someone
- Abusive text messages, sending nasty text messages and not knowing who they are from
- Happy Slapping, this is when you use a phone or a video camera and film someone being slapped or attacked unknowingly. This is assault and we would always advise you to report any happy slapping incident to the police.
- Silent or abusive phone calls
Are you a bully?
Do you ever?
Make fun of others to get other people to laugh? Being a comedian can make you very popular with other people, we all enjoy making others laugh, but be careful not to hurt someone else’s feelings, you would be a much better comedian if you made people laugh without hurting others.
Physically hurting someone? Hitting people is assault and is a criminal offence; do not think that hitting people makes you look hard or clever. Talking through problems takes more courage and shows you are growing up.
Damage or take other people’s things. If you take things from people this is stealing and also against the law, if you are friends with people you could borrow their things and give them back as you found them.
Ignore people; there is not a school we have visited when we haven’t heard someone say, “ If you talk to them, I’m not your mate anymore”. Ignoring someone and leaving people out is a really nasty thing to do, the person is not just being ignored by you, but by the whole class. If you see someone being ignored, be the better person and ask him or her would they like to sit with you or play?
If you think you are a bully ask yourself: Would I want someone else to do these things to me? If the answer is No, STOP …. Apologise for what you have done and then start each day as you mean to go on.
Remember BullyBusters are here to help you to, call 0800 169 6928 we can give you advice on your next step to becoming friends. Being a good friend is the best gift you can ever give someone.
WHY DO PEOPLE BULLY?
Children who bully enjoy having power and control over other children. They often get positive attention from their peers for bullying. Victims of bullies may learn to become bullies themselves.
WHY IS IT A SERIOUS MATTER?
The emotional scars of bullying can last a lifetime. The bully can/may become involved in criminal behaviour. The victim may experience depression and anxiety throughout his/her life.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE WARNING SIGNS?
- Withdrawal and/or apparent depression
- Low self-esteem
- Fear of going to school
- Difficulties with school work
- Difficulties with friends
- not interested in participating in social activities
- Temper outbursts
- Unusual sleeping/eating patterns
- Unexplained physical injuries
- Missing or damaged belongings
- Other changes in behaviour
WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU SUSPECT BULLYING?
Communication with your child about the problem. Encourage your child to open up at his/her own pace. Reading stories about bullying and/ or sharing your childhood experiences can help children to look at their own situations.Communication with the school about what is happening. Document bullying incidents and ask teachers what they have noticed. Keep in regular contact with the school and work on solutions together, involving your child as appropriate.
Help your child with Strategies. Teach your child assertiveness skills. Role-play and practice how to respond to bullies.
Encourage your child to seek support from trusted friends and adults and to report incidents that happen at school.
Build your child's self-esteem and self confidence. Provide opportunities for positive socializing, and encourage participation in activities your child enjoys. Help your child to see his/her own strengths.
WHAT IF THINGS ARE NOT IMPROVING?
- Consider seeking counselling for your child -
- Take a "team" approach to bullying by working closely with the school and discussing issues with other parents.
- Talk to your family doctor for further assessment and support.
- Contact local Police Services for information and support. They may be able to intervene.
WHAT CAN THE SCHOOL DO?Educate staff, children and parents about bullying prevention.
Provide a safe, bully-free environment:
through good supervision
having clear rules and consequences for the bullying behaviour
creating open communication with parents and children about bullying
creating a positive school atmosphere Intervene in bully-victim problems involving any children in the school community.
WHAT IF MY CHILD IS A BULLY?
- Discourage any verbal or physical aggression toward others.
- Set firm rules and consequences for bullying behaviour at home, school or in the community.
- Model respect and non-judgmental attitude towards other people.
- Seek counselling. Behaviour and attitudes can be hard to change.
HOW TO DEAL WITH BULLIES
- Make friends who will stand by you, and play in groups.
- Talk to a friend or adult you trust for ideas and support.
- When at school stay in the sight of an adult.
- Practice responses to bullies at home.
- Practice showing confidence: firm voice, eye contact, stand up tall.
- Have a plan for dealing with bullies (e.g. Walk away, report).
- Try to stay calm when faced with a bully, and try not to show him/her that you are afraid.